


Fevered Dreams

by dreamstoreality



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Anxiety, Established Relationship, M/M, Zed has anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-26 16:35:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2658881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamstoreality/pseuds/dreamstoreality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zed is a little bit drunk by the time they finish eating, and he can’t bring himself to care. Akali arrives not long after they finish making dinner, bringing two bottles of red wine with her. Zed doesn’t usually drink. His mother used to call alcohol “Satan’s fire” but if he had to put up with being social for a couple hours, he was going to get drunk, thank you very much.</p><p>Sorry mom.</p><p>Zed was pretty sure that Akali was talking (or was it Shen?) but he didn’t care. He was past the point of caring. In fact, he was so far gone from the point of caring, he was on the magical planet of not caring. It was a pretty damn awesome planet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> You’ll have to bear with me on this one. I’ve never played League of Legends because, let’s be real, I am so far from a gamer I’m on a whole other spectrum. I am trying my hand at this fandom for my dear sweet babe Jay, who is really my everything.  
> I couldn’t do anything I do without you, babe.  
> So please, be kind when you read this. I know for a fact these characters are going to be OOC.  
> If it’s not obvious already, this is an AU. In fact, it’s so AU that it’s on a whole other level of AU.  
> So yeah.  
> AU.  
> But hey, what can you do?  
> Enjoy mes amis! :)

**_*_ **

“You look like you got hit by a bus.”

Zed groans and kicks his leg in the direction of the voice, a satisfied smile forming on his face when he hits his target. He pulls the covers up and over his head, letting out a low growl when someone tries to pull them back down.

“Back off,” he says in a clipped tone, peeking one eye out from his sanctuary of darkness. “I don’t think it’s time to get up yet.”

His boyfriend rolls his eyes and throws his hands up in defeat, spinning on his heel and exiting the room. Zed smirks and burrows deeper under the duvet, slipping his arm under his pillow.

He meant what he said. He really _didn’t_ think that it was time to get up yet. Granted, it was past one in the afternoon, but who’s keeping track?

Certainly not him.

“Zed. Get up,” the covers are again being pulled away, this time with a little more force. “It’s almost two and Akali is going to be here soon.” The covers are yanked all the way down and Zed stares up at Shen, who has an unamused look on his face.

They stare at each other for a few moments before Zed gives in. He knows how Shen gets when he’s angry and he does not want to be on the receiving end of that.

He waves his hand dismissively and Shen, feeling smug, throws the duvet back onto the bed as he says _“be ready in twenty minutes,”_ the door closing behind him. Zed listens as his footsteps became quieter before he gets off the bed and walks to their shared bathroom.

Turning the shower on and not caring about the temperature, he sheds his sleep clothes and steps under the spray, knowing that if he really isn’t ready in twenty minutes Shen will have his head. He quickly finishes, shutting the shower off with a low _hiss._

Ten minutes later he’s semi-dried off and clothed. He checks his reflection in the mirror one last time before letting out a sigh and heading to the kitchen where he can smell dinner being prepared. Shen is a great cook – Zed doesn’t dispute that. He always manages to make Zed’s most hated foods look like something a King would be served.

“It’s about time you got out of bed, lazy bones,” Shen kids when he hears Zed enter the kitchen. Zed just rolls his eyes and grabs water out of the fridge, sitting down on one of the stools at their kitchen counter.

“I don’t understand why Akali has to come over tonight,” Zed complains, staring into his glass. He watches as it swirls around before settling down, distorting the view of Shen. “Why can’t it just be us?”

Shen puts down the knife he’s using to cut carrots and turns around, leaning against the countertop. He looks at Zed with soft eyes and a sympathetic expression.

“Because,” he begins to explain, pushing off from the counter and walking over to Zed. “You need to start socializing more.” He wraps his arms around Zed’s shoulders and rests his chin on top of his head. He feels Zed let out a shaky breath before continuing. “Besides, Akali loves you. You know that.”

Zed stays quiet and listens to Shen breathing, closing his eyes. He knows that Akali loves him – _he knows that._ When he and Shen first got together, Akali had become a close friend, and Zed had confided in her more than he ever did to any of his friends back home.

Not long after he and Shen first got together – probably two months after, they had a big fight. Thinking back on it, Zed can’t remember what exactly they did fight about, but it was bad enough for Shen to have left for two days with no contact. Zed was distraught, not knowing where Shen was or when he was coming back home. He contacted Shen’s parents, thinking that maybe he had gone home for a couple days, but he hadn’t.

Anyway, long story short, Akali came over and whacked Zed across his head with a _“he loves you, you dolt. He’ll come home,”_ and, sure enough, two hours later Shen came back. That was their only and, hopefully, lastfight.

“What are you thinking about?” Shen’s soft voice broke whatever spell Zed was under and he blinked. “You spaced out on me there. Are you okay?”

“Fine,”

“Are you sure?” Shen frowns and unwraps his arms from around Zed’s shoulders, giving him a gentle squeeze. “You looked like you were kind of lost in thought.”

Zed gave his boyfriend a tired smile.

“I’m sure,” he stands up and pushes his stool back. “What can I help with?”

Shen looks at him for a minute before shrugging and pointing to the salad bar.

“Finish the salad,” he chops the carrots. “And don’t forget the croutons. Akali will have our heads.”

*

Zed is a little bit drunk by the time they finish eating, and he can’t bring himself to care. Akali arrives not long after they finish making dinner, bringing two bottles of red wine with her. Zed doesn’t usually drink. His mother used to call alcohol “ _Satan’s fire”_ but if he had to put up with being social for a couple hours, he was going to get drunk, thank you very much.

Sorry mom.

Zed was pretty sure that Akali was talking (or was it Shen?) but he didn’t care. He was past the point of caring. In fact, he was so far gone from the point of caring, he was on the magical planet of _not caring._ It was a pretty damn awesome planet.

Shen and Akali kept talking, making sure to keep Zed out of it, and Zed knew that was thanks to Shen. Shen was very perceptive when it came to how Zed was feeling, even if he didn’t know it himself. If he was being honest, though, Zed was starting to feel a bit of an itch. For what, he couldn’t say, but it was there. It was slowly creeping up from the pit of his stomach to his head, and he’s pretty sure Shen knows it too, because he reaches over and grabs Zed’s hand, dropping it onto his lap, never once breaking his eye contact or conversation with Akali.

Zed lets out a breath and sinks down into the couch. He can feel Shen’s thumb gently rubbing across his knuckles back and forth, and it’s helping to chase the itch away, though the gentle throb in the back of his mind reminds him that’s it not gone. He’s glad that he’s drunk, because he knows that if he wasn’t he would have broken down a long time ago.

God bless Satan’s fire.

Akali and Shen talk for another half hour before Akali says she’s got somewhere else to be. She quietly says goodnight to Zed like he’s a spooked animal, and turns concerned eyes to Shen, who just smiles and squeezes Zed’s hand, telling him that he’s going to walk Akali out and be right back.

Zed sighs when the front door closes and reaches for the wine bottle that has been abandoned on the coffee table. He takes a long drink from it and wipes his lips, setting it down again. The buzz is starting to wear off a little bit, and because of that the itch is slowly beginning to come back. He tries to fight it off – Akali is gone now and it’s just him and Shen. So why is it coming back? If anything, it should be completely gone.

Stupid thing.

“Zed?” Zed startles and looks up. Shen is back, ( _and when did that happen? Zed never heard the front door open_ ) a worried expression on his face. He replaces it quickly with a warm smile when he sees Zed looking at him. “Akali wanted me to remind you about her party next week. She says, and I quote, ‘remind that precious boy of yours to dress super sexy for my birthday. I like his ass.’”

Zed gives a small smile and Shen sits down next to him, taking his hand again.

“Sweetheart, are you sure that you’re okay?” Zed hates the concern and fear he can hear in Shen’s voice so he pushes through the dull ache (seriously, go _away_ ) and gives him the brightest smile he can muster.

“I’m okay,” he says with a little too much cheerfulness. Damn it.

Shen sighs and gently pulls Zed over to him, pulling his head down onto his shoulder. He doesn’t say anything – just cards his fingers through Zed’s hair, whispering calming words into his ear.

Zed lets his eyes slip closed. He can hear Shen whispering but he can’t make out what exactly it is that he’s saying. He lets himself feel Shen’s fingers in his hair, and listen to his voice, as it slowly lulls him to sleep.

The ache is still there however, and it’s even more powerful than Shen’s calming words.

That’s what scares Zed the most.

* * *

 

**_Tada! Part one is finished! I’m going to have to cut this into two parts, because there’s more to add and if I add it into this chapter it’s not going to really work. So, let me know how I did! Hopefully I didn’t make the characters too OOC, even though this is an AU._ **

**_Thanks my loves!_ ** **_:)_ **


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. Remember when I said that this story will be two parts? Yeah. I kind of lied.  
> But you can’t blame me! It’s Zed’s fault. He has a lot to say and will not shut up, even when I’m writing my final.  
> As always, this is dedicated to Jay, who is having a pretty rough day. I love you, babe, and I hope this makes you feel just a teeny bit better.  
> Read and enjoy, and know that I am probably going to die during my final day of first semester tomorrow.  
> :)

_**Chapter Two** _

Zed hates crowds.

He hates feeling like he is going to throw up because there are so many people pushing and shoving and touching. He hates feeling his heart thud painfully against his ribcage every time he tries to breathe.

He hates anxiety.

Subconsciously tightening his hold on Shen’s hand, he lets out a deep breath, mentally telling himself that he is okay and nothing is going to happen. He feels Shen squeeze his hand back and shakes his head. Why is he freaking out? Nothing is going to happen.

_Nothing is going to happen._

He chants that over and over in his head like a mantra – _nothing is going to happen, nothing is going to happen_ as Shen leads him through the crowded house and towards the living room where Akali is sitting, talking to her other friends. Her eyes light up when she sees the two of them approach and she smiles softly at Zed, her gaze flickering over to Shen.

“I’m glad you two came,” she says gently, extracting herself from her previous conversation. “I know it must not be easy for you.” She is looking at Zed as she talks and he feels a sense of guilt creeping into his stomach.

Akali is a good friend – no, she is a _great_ friend. She has been there for Zed more times than he can count, and the least he can do is be there for her for her birthday, even if it does feel like the walls are closing in around him.

Schematics.

“We wouldn’t miss it for anything, Akali,” Shen says, not letting go of Zed’s hand. “We talked before we left the apartment. Zed knows what to do if he gets overwhelmed.” Akali looks at Zed like she doesn’t believe Shen and Zed smiles.

“I know,” he says. Akali looks like she doesn’t believe him but doesn’t push him, knowing when to keep her mouth shut. Zed loves her for that.

“Well, make yourselves comfortable,” she says, grabbing her abandoned plastic cup from the coffee table. “If you’ll excuse me, I must mingle.”

Zed watches her go, before being pulled to a semi abandoned corner by Shen. There are still people mingling around, but it’s not as bad as other areas of the house. Zed actually feels like he can breathe, which is good, because not being able to breathe hurts like a bitch. “You’re okay,” Shen states, letting go of Zed’s hand so he can pull Zed towards him. He wraps his arm around Zed’s waist. “Nothing is going to happen.” He kisses Zed’s temple. “At least not while I’m around.” Zed can’t help the goofy smile that works its way onto his face. Shen is such a dork, but he makes Zed feel safe. And that’s what matters most.

*

The bedroom is a mess, and Zed knows that if Shen comes home to it he will flip his lid, but he can’t bring himself to care. The bedroom is the least of his worries right now because _he can’t fucking breathe_. No matter how hard he tries to calm his heart down, or get air into his lungs, _he can’t breathe_.

Zed can feel his lungs constricting, and every bit of air he tries to suck in feels like a knife going down his throat. He starts to panic, and that’s when he knows he’s in real trouble. He’s had panic attacks before, but he’s always had Shen or his parents or _somebody_ with him. He’s never been alone. He’s scared. And he _can’t breathe._

Zed can hear the people in the apartment upstairs walking around, pushing and throwing things around, and he wants to tell them to shut up but -

_He can’t breathe._

Zed can hear the bird’s chirping from outside the window and can feel the heat of the sun as it streams in through outside and he wants to close the window and the curtains but -

_He can’t breathe._

His phone rings from somewhere to his left, but Zed can’t move. His feet are glued to the floor, and he can’t get up from where he is leaning against the side of the bed, his head between his legs, trying desperately to fill his lungs with oxygen. His phone stopped ringing and went silent for a minute, before ringing again, and again, and again until it fell silent, a small beep indicating he had a voicemail. Without even checking, Zed knew it was Shen, and he also knew that Shen was having his own minor panic attack, wondering why Zed hadn’t answered his call.

Zed always answered Shen’s call.

After what feels like forever, Zed is finally able to get air into his burning lungs. He takes in as much as he can, and once he is finally able to breathe he gets up on shaky legs, leaning heavily on the bed. He grabs his phone and sits down on the bed, pushing back until he is leaning against the headboard. He winces when he notices that Shen had called over 12 times and left four voicemails.

He checks them.

_“You must be busy or forgot your phone in the bedroom. You have to stop doing that,” a tired sigh. “You really have to stop doing that. Anyway, I’m going to be a little late coming home tonight. Work is crazy busy today and they need me to stay overtime and sort some paperwork out. I’ll be home before ten, okay? Call me when you get this. I love you,”_

Delete.

 _“It’s been an hour, Zed, and you still haven’t called me yet.”_ Zed can see Shen running a hand tiredly through his hair. _“Where are you? I hope you didn’t go out and forget you phone. You always do that. Okay, well, whenever you get home, call me. I mean it, Zed. I love you,”_

Delete.

 _“Okay. Now I’m officially worried,_ ” Pause, sigh. _“Where are you, Zed? If you had left the house, you would have been home by now. You’re never out for more than three hours. What the hell is going on? Why haven’t you called me back yet? You better not have lost your phone while you were out or so help me I’m going t-“_

Zed blinks when the voicemail cuts off abruptly, but deletes it anyway.

 _“Fuck. I hate this stupid thing,”_ Zed can hear cars and people in the background, and he knows that Shen is on his way home. _“I’m coming home, work be damned. Something is obviously wrong with you. If you listen to this message, do not do anything until I get home. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”_

The front door slams open just as Zed deletes the voicemail, and Shen’s frantic voice floats into the bedroom from the hallway.

“Bedroom,” Zed calls weakly, wincing. Obviously having trouble breathing does things to your voice.

Who would’ve thought that?

Shen rushes into the bedroom and once he sees Zed on the bed his frantic look falls, only to re-appear when he sees the state of the bedroom.

“Oh Zed,” He whispers when he realizes what happened. He carefully steps around the broken glass of the picture frames and sits beside Zed on the bed, gently taking the phone out of Zed’s hand. He puts it on the nightstand and pulls Zed over to him, pushing Zed’s head down onto his chest. Zed closes his eyes and listens to the sound of Shen’s heart beating against his ribcage.

_Thunk, thunk, thunk._

Shen doesn’t say anything. He just lets Zed listen to his heartbeat and curl his fingers into the coat Shen is still wearing. Shen rubs gentle circles on Zed’s back, and tries to regain his breath. He would never admit it, but when Zed didn’t answer his phone earlier, or any time after that that Shen called, his heart was in his throat, and he had thought the worst. But that was then, and this is now. Zed is (relatively) fine, and he is here and his fingers are gripping Shen’s jacket and his ear is against his chest listening to his heart – _thunk, thunk, thunk_ and everything is okay.

Nothing is going to happen.

Not while Shen’s around, that’s for damn sure.

*

**Okay. I’m kinda… eh about this one. It didn’t take me long to write, and I could probably change a few things, but I don’t think I should. This is Zed’s story, and whatever he wants to be here is here. I hope you liked it. More will be coming soon. Thanks loves! tbc**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbc

**Author's Note:**

> tbc.


End file.
